CELEBRATING LIFE

27 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by Styling By Erica in Inspiration, Style

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Blue Vinyl Creative, Inspiration, Pregnancy, style, Sweet Darling Patisserie

Another year has passed. Yesterday I turned 33 and I can hardly believe what all has happened in the last 12 months. I can honestly say that after last year I never thought I would want to celebrate my birthday again. I was sure it would forever be a day filled with sadness. Some of you may have read my post STRIPPED last year and wondered what happened. Today, as I reflect, I’ve decided to share what I experienced then and where I am now.

April 26, 2014 started out as a beautiful day. The sun was shining, it was my birthday and I had a photo shoot scheduled with my dear friend, Bethany. She showed up with a thoughtful gift, flowers and coffee/pastries from my favorite spot. Josiah was planning to cook me dinner later that night, and all was well. After finishing our photos we came back home so I could change. I was only about 7 weeks pregnant at the time and was looking forward to my first ultra sound in a couple weeks. As Bethany and I were talking outfits and playing in my closet, something happened. Something wasn’t right and I rushed to the bathroom. That’s when the bleeding started. Bethany ran to get Josiah, made sure Stella was in the other room and she just prayed as I crumbled. We called the doctor, then jumped in the car to go to the nearest ER. I’ll never forget how awful the woman was at the check in counter. I was crying and upset and she could care less. It was another day at the office for her and for me, life had stopped. Nothing else in the world mattered other than finding out what was happening with this tiny, precious life inside of me. It felt like forever that we sat there in the cold, quiet waiting room. Once I was in a room and the examining was taking place, I just prayed that I would hear that everything was okay. That this just happens sometimes and there was nothing to worry about. But that’s not what I heard. Instead, I was told that there was a fetus, but no heartbeat. I was told to prepare for the worst. Nothing could prepare me for that moment, but hearing there was still a fetus made me cling on to hope. It wasn’t over. There was a chance. I used every bit of strength in my being to believe that this would be a miracle and our baby would be okay. As the night went on the bleeding increased. The intense cramping and pain started. The back and forth from the bed to the bathroom became more frequent. I remember just clinging to the wall to brace myself so I could handle the shooting pain and feeling more alone than I’ve ever felt in my life. I ended up just laying down on the cold, bathroom floor because I couldn’t handle going back and forth to the bedroom anymore. There was nothing I could do. I was helpless. This little miracle growing inside of me, this precious life, this blessing from heaven, was being taken away from me with no explanation, one hour at a time. It was a long night and a long week that followed.

I’ll never understand why miscarriages happen. I’ll never understand why people think it’s okay to say “it’s so common” (even though it is) when you’ve just gone through one. All you want is for people to say you are in their thoughts and prayers and to be surrounded with love. The truth is, we all know the facts. We know miscarriages are common and we know most women experience it (sometimes twice or more). This does not mean that it should be made small when any woman goes through it. Words can not describe the emotional and physical pain I felt and I wish that no one ever had to experience it.

Here’s what saddens me the most. I feel like no one talks about it. I went through this horrible experience feeling so alone, then when I started sharing what happened all of the sudden numerous women I know were telling me they had been through the same thing and I had no idea. It was in that moment I decided that I would be open about it because I didn’t want anyone to feel like it was something they had to hide or just “move on” from because it was common.

All that said, as my birthday came this year I was filled with mixed emotions. As of yesterday, my birthday, I am 31 weeks pregnant with our baby girl. We spent the day planning for her and finishing the painting in the nursery. We also put together the crib which made things feel very real. I didn’t quite know how to feel. I will forever have a piece of my heart that grieves on my birthday (and other days) over the loss of my first pregnancy. Although that day, that tiny unborn little angel, that experience, will never be forgotten, I will celebrate life this year.

I am overwhelmed with so many emotions, but mainly gratitude. God has blessed us with another precious life. This baby girl growing in my belly has made me look at life in a new way. Nothing matters more than the tiny human I’m going to be bringing in to this world. I already know that nothing will prepare me for the love I will feel for her and I can not wait to meet her.

I share my heart with you in hopes that you will find strength in whatever you are facing. There are different seasons in our lives that we can not be prepared for, but there is always blessing that follows if we stay strong and have faith. We can not escape pain or tragedy, but we can overcome it by celebrating what is good. Celebrate life.

One way we celebrate life is by having baby showers. Celebrating new life is even better than celebrating life in general. 🙂 I am so thankful for my dear friend, Kate Harris, who very early on told me she would love to host a shower for me. It was a beautiful day filled with friends, family, love, delightful brunch food (cooked by Kate), bubbly for the girls, whiskey for the guys, and the best macarons ever (order them here). Kate also wanted to make sure that we would have the day documented so we could share the special memories with Emma. She hired her fabulous photographer friend, Jessica Gann of Blue Vinyl Creative, to capture the memories for us. It was the perfect gift and I couldn’t be happier. See some of the photos below! Also be sure to check out Kate’s blog (The Curious Chase) here.

Much love to everyone (near and far) who supported and loved on me and Josiah during the tough time last year, and to those who celebrated our special day with us this year. We love you all and can’t wait to introduce our baby girl to you soon!

XO,

Erica

All photography by @bluevinylphotography

NEW BEGINNINGS

28 Monday Jul 2014

Posted by Styling By Erica in Inspiration, Style

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Hi! If you are wondering why it has been so long since my last blog post it’s because I just moved from San Diego, CA to Nashville, TN. I’ll get to those details a little later, so if you’re curious you’ll have to read this whole post. 😉 I want to start by sharing something I’ve been thinking about a lot about lately, so here it is. I love that each and every one of us has our own unique sense of style and our own story. As I continue to share photos of my personal style and story; I’m going to start sharing the style and story of friends and new people I meet as well. If you follow me, know that my blog is still going to be style focused, but there is going to be real substance as well. It will be a blend of fun and serious. Here’s why… Anyone can post a cute outfit and style blogs are a dime a dozen. Don’t get me wrong. I am a Pinterest addict, I follow a lot of style blogs and I love looking at photos of cute outfits for inspiration, but we are more than what we wear. When all the materialistic things are stripped away, we are simply our own unique person with our own unique story. So what’s the story behind all these faces that we follow and all of the photos that we obsess over? I for one am curious, are you? I get so tired of just scrolling through beautiful photos on blogs wondering how these women lead such perfect glamorous lives. I don’t want anyone to follow my blog and think that I always have it together because I only share the good stuff. That’s not reality. Yes, I am passionate about helping every woman be the best version of herself through personal style and I hope to inspire you through photos and by sharing ideas, but it doesn’t start and end there. I like to feel connected. All humans crave connection; we were created to do life together. With social media always at our fingertips it’s easy to be glued to our phones, looking at photos day in and day out, trying to keep up and not truly connecting. Everyone is posting photos looking cute and happy, and we post our own photos looking cute and happy, but sometimes it’s just not what’s going on behind the scenes. We are all going through life on our own journey and it can be messy at times. We all go through seasons, highs and lows, and I think it’s time to get personal and share something deeper than just what’s on the surface. When we create a community and build relationships; we build a foundation. This foundation will support us when life throws a curve ball (see my post titled “STRIPPED”). When we choose to engage, we choose to be part of something bigger than ourselves. All that said, I will kick off by sharing a happy story, an update really, about my family’s recent move from San Diego, CA to Nashville, TN. My family in this story is me, my husband Josiah and our Pomeranian, Stella. You may be thinking what most people thought (or said) when we told them about this move…Why? Is work taking you there? Do you have family there? The answer to those questions are because we can, no and no. 🙂 Josiah and I have been married for 5 years (we celebrated our anniversary on June 5th) and we were just ready for a new adventure, a fresh start, better quality of life. For us, at this stage, that meant a big move to a new state. For some of you this may mean moving to a new side of town or getting a new roommate, something not as drastic. For others it will be getting engaged, making a career change, starting a business, etc. All big moves. It looks different for everyone. Nashville was on our radar after taking a five day trip in October of 2012 to visit friends who had moved there from San Diego. We fell in love with the city and all that it had to offer. The possibilities lined up with our goals so we decided to plan for a move. I can happily say that after much preparation, determination and dedication we have arrived and are settling in to our new city of Nashville, TN. We have new jobs, new friends, different weather, different food, all sorts of changes. It has been one month (time flies) and we are loving it!! On that note, I need to thank my amazing parents for flying from MN to CA, helping us pack up the Uhaul trailer, then making the three day drive with us and helping us move in to our temporary apartment. We couldn’t have done it without them. We love you Greg and Carla Schroeder! That said, those of you close to us know what it took for us to get here. There were some rough times while we prepared. Our patience were tested, our finances stretched, our relationship strained, but we pressed on. All I can say is, it was well worth it. We are on track to achieve one of our big goals for this year and I can’t wait to share more with you soon! If you have a goal, a dream, a desire to try something new, don’t let fear hold you back. Don’t settle in your comfort zone and miss out on what could potentially be your greatest adventure. Change is never easy, and there are always obstacles to overcome, but the reward is worth the risk. You’ll never know if you never try. If something doesn’t work out exactly as you imagined, that doesn’t mean it’s a failure!! It just means its a learning experience and a stepping stone in your journey. I’ll wrap up by saying that I am currently in a season of transition. It’s a time of building, learning, preparing for my families future. What season are you in? I’d love to hear your story and get to know you! XO, Erica Below are a few photos from the last four weeks, starting with the day we said goodbye to San Diego and locked the door to our unit at SD Lofts, The Union, for the last time.

ACCESSORIZE LIKE BARDOT

14 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by Styling By Erica in Accessories, Chic, Inspiration, Style

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CELEBRATING MOM

11 Sunday May 2014

Posted by Styling By Erica in Inspiration, Style

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STRIPPED

28 Monday Apr 2014

Posted by Styling By Erica in Inspiration

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This is a blog about Styling and Fashion, two things that I love and am passionate about. That said, every stylist and fashionista has a story bigger than the images they share on their site and social media. As a stylist, a perfectionist, and someone who has insecurities like everyone else I always think about presentation and tend to share the photos that I feel look like the best version of me (through my own eyes). I doubt I stand alone here. We all want to show our “best angle” and no one scrambles to take a selfie of their bad hair day. The reality is we all have bad days, experience tragedy and feel pain, but I rarely read about it on a fashion blog or see photos that paint a picture of any less than the perfect outfit, perfect wardrobe, perfect hair day, and ideal lifestyle.

For this post I’m going to change it up, because the truth is life is messy. Styling, fashion, image, insecurities, and all things materialistic put aside. I am going to share what it means to be stripped. This is my personal experience and I am sharing it to encourage any one else that may also be facing something out of their control.

By definition stripped means “to remove all excess detail from; reduce to essentials.” For me it has never rang more true than on my Birthday this past Saturday, April 26th. I just so happened to be in my closet talking about styling and fashion with a close friend who is also a photographer. We were discussing ideas for an upcoming photo shoot when all of the sudden something unexpected occurred, and in that moment everything changed. I instantly felt stripped.

In that moment I fell apart. I was embraced by my dear friend who witnessed a personal moment that I will never forget. She saw me in my rawest form. Broken and desperate. Crippled by fear in an instant. Stripped of everything I was sure of. At that moment nothing else mattered besides having my husband at my side. My friend was there to comfort and remind us that we serve a God who is bigger than any circumstance.

At that moment I wasn’t thinking about, nor did I care about appearance or anything else. I was stripped down to nothing more than sheer dependency on my Creator. A living God who gives us access to His peace that transcends all understanding. I felt a desperation like I’ve never felt before. Desperation to keep focused on hope, desperation for positive results, desperation that my faith would rise to the occasion and I could be strong in knowing that my God has the last say, desperation to feel His peace.

With uncontrollable sobs that created a mascara streamed face I felt nothing but shock. Then a silent car ride to the ER where I didn’t care who was looking at me or what people were thinking. I was raw and exposed with my emotions on display. All that mattered was having my husbands hand over mine and family. After being sent home to wait, there was more pain and more fearful moments, but I refuse to give in. I refuse to give in to the fear, I refuse to listen to any negative voices, words or reports and I refuse to think anything other than hopeful, positive thoughts. I am stuck waiting for a couple of days and having patience is not something I am good at. This is a time where my strength is being tested and I may not be patient but I am a fighter. An encouraging Bible verse sent to me from a friend says this: “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” – Proverbs 29:25

To anyone else out there who may be going through a battle that is out of your control I want to say to you be strong. Do not give in to fear, cling to hope. Find a support system. Lean on your friends and family. Know there is a God who loves you and wants nothing but the best for you. Even if you are not a believer reach out to someone who is so they can stand beside you in faith.

I have to believe that everything happens for a reason, good or bad. We can only become stronger from these humbling moments in life. We become more understanding, more compassionate, more loving. I have a renewed appreciation for my husband, my family and my friends. I already love them dearly but being stripped down in an instant to the essentials in life gives me clear perspective. For this I am grateful. Sometimes we need a wake up call to remind us of what’s most important.

This is still a delicate situation without a definitive outcome so I am not revealing all of the details at this time. I do, however, ask for your prayers and positive thoughts as I cling to hope while I wait. I will know more in the next couple of days and will decide what to share at that time.

I hope that you have found some inspiration that can help you in your journey. Life is precious. Life is a gift. Cherish the ones you love and in all situations remain thankful. There is always something to be thankful for.

As I said earlier we generally only share photos when we look our best. So I want to end this post with a picture of reality. This is me, the morning after a day filled with more emotions than I thought I could ever handle at once. These are raw images…no makeup, unedited, unfiltered. Just emotional me, in my husband’s t-shirt.

xo,

Erica